Why can't life just be easy?

Why can't things just go the way we want them to? Why cant everything work out the way it needs to for me? Why do things have to be so complicated?

I really wish i had the answers to all of these questions. Instead of living my life everyday wondering what i was going to fuck up next. I have been very blessed throughout my life, with things ive received, the people ive met, the connections ive made, and the opportunities which have been afforded to me. And yet there is always something that goes horribly wrong. And it always comes around to being my fault. Not that other blame me, but maybe they do, but its just that i always find the fault in my actions toward every situation. I find what i did wrong and thats what goe through my mind constantly.

I try to live my life one day at a time. I think that what happened yesterday was yesterdays news, why keep talking about it for days, weeks, or years after. Talking about it and reflecting will not change what happened, so just forget about it. Take what you can learn from that situation and move on. This has worked for me in my life, for the most part. Its also gotten me into a lot of trouble. But at the end of the day, its how i cope with things so i continue to do it.

There are people in my life who are extremely important to me. I dont let people know this but they are my lifeline. They are what wakes me up every morning and the reason I am able to leave the house everyday. They are the sunshine of my life. They are what allows me to smile and to be the person that I am. Most important of these people is my family, my mother, grandmother, grandfather, and my lil sister. These four people are my everything. My life would be lost without them. However i overlook this fact a lot and take advantage of all of these people, unknowingly. And that is bad, I should be showing these people how much they mean to me. Tomorrow is never promised and so i need to learn to act now. Another person in my life will definitely agree with that last statement. And to that person, you are also one of my lifelines. You are somebody that i feel i can always count on, no matter what goes on between us, i feel you will always be there for me. And i need that support and that help. I need that company, especially from you. Simple instances make out nicely everytime. I need you and I want you.

One day I will look up everything will make sense. My life will feel like I have no further questions. Until that day comes, I am going to keep struggling my way through life. I am going to keep fucking up and making it better, maybe to just fuck it up again. And thats how i will spend each day. Searching for the answers. I cannot wait til this day.

LIFE,

Please come easy!