Living Life

We all have that thing in life that we are very good at. For me, that thing is working. Not to be full of myself, but in the few jobs that I have had, i have always been one of the best. In high school, when i first started working i was good at it. Of course, I made mistakes, but the way i handled myself after making those mistakes and becoming a better employee was what made me the best. Now in college, in three years, I became the "HNIC" for lack of a better title. Haha. But in all seriousness, in three years of working, which was really only two, with my break in between, I was able to work myself up to being in charge. I was able to show my boss that I am the man, as my friends call me, "The Chosen One". I think the key to my success is that i have ben able to have jobs where I love what i do. Back home, I love working with kids and I love theme parks and sports, etc. Being able to put all of these things into one job is the best. At school, I love sports and being able to be around sports everyday is amazing.

On the other hand, we all have that thing that we need to keep working on. The thing that I need to work on the most, as well as im sure the vast majority of people do, is this whole relationship thing. I've had a number of relationships. Some have been the best, even perfect in many ways. And yet none of them have lasted. Most of the time it is on my part, but I am a firm believer that a relationship involves two people. Two people to make it work and two people to destroy it. I have done my fair share of things that didnt help anything, but in the end it was something that neither of us could do. But we keep trying. I keep trying. I keep searching for the next one to be the one, or to think if the last one was the one. It is a never-ending struggle to find THAT one. I know in my heart that whoever that woman is for me, when it is supposed to work, it will. I hope its you. ; )

Until the day comes, when everything is just working for me, I am going to live my life. Live each day as its my last. Have as much fun as I can becuase life is short. But i love it. I have fun. Meet new people. And make sure I have no regrets in life.

Why can't life just be easy?

Why can't things just go the way we want them to? Why cant everything work out the way it needs to for me? Why do things have to be so complicated?

I really wish i had the answers to all of these questions. Instead of living my life everyday wondering what i was going to fuck up next. I have been very blessed throughout my life, with things ive received, the people ive met, the connections ive made, and the opportunities which have been afforded to me. And yet there is always something that goes horribly wrong. And it always comes around to being my fault. Not that other blame me, but maybe they do, but its just that i always find the fault in my actions toward every situation. I find what i did wrong and thats what goe through my mind constantly.

I try to live my life one day at a time. I think that what happened yesterday was yesterdays news, why keep talking about it for days, weeks, or years after. Talking about it and reflecting will not change what happened, so just forget about it. Take what you can learn from that situation and move on. This has worked for me in my life, for the most part. Its also gotten me into a lot of trouble. But at the end of the day, its how i cope with things so i continue to do it.

There are people in my life who are extremely important to me. I dont let people know this but they are my lifeline. They are what wakes me up every morning and the reason I am able to leave the house everyday. They are the sunshine of my life. They are what allows me to smile and to be the person that I am. Most important of these people is my family, my mother, grandmother, grandfather, and my lil sister. These four people are my everything. My life would be lost without them. However i overlook this fact a lot and take advantage of all of these people, unknowingly. And that is bad, I should be showing these people how much they mean to me. Tomorrow is never promised and so i need to learn to act now. Another person in my life will definitely agree with that last statement. And to that person, you are also one of my lifelines. You are somebody that i feel i can always count on, no matter what goes on between us, i feel you will always be there for me. And i need that support and that help. I need that company, especially from you. Simple instances make out nicely everytime. I need you and I want you.

One day I will look up everything will make sense. My life will feel like I have no further questions. Until that day comes, I am going to keep struggling my way through life. I am going to keep fucking up and making it better, maybe to just fuck it up again. And thats how i will spend each day. Searching for the answers. I cannot wait til this day.

LIFE,

Please come easy!

Special

You are special to me.
From the moment you walked into my life
I knew that you could be my wife.
From the first time I laid eyes on you
I knew one day I was going to make u my boo.
The first time we touched,
I had no idea it would affect me so much.
Jus the feel of your skin drives me crazy
It makes me wanna lay wit u and jus be lazy.
Looking in your eyes sets me on fire
Bc you i cant help but admire
Your face,
Your lips,
Your eyes,
Your thighs,
Your legs,
Your hands,
Your stomach,
Your flaws make u perfect
Your happiness is all that I expect.
I know I can make u feel right
I know i can care for you with all my might.
I know that you are the one
For you are my stars, my moon, and my sun.

Michael Jackson

Life is short man. Today, the greatest musical artist of our time passed away. At first I thought it was a joke. This couldnt be happening. Not so soon. I mean just last week I heard how he was working out and getting ready for his upcoming tour. This couldnt be. So I turned on the news to see what was really up. One station, nothing, another station, nothing. So I thought anoter station might have something. Turn it on and I see the headline, "Michael Jackson Hospitalized". Immediately, I am struck with grief and confusion. I change it to another station and see the same headline. Less than two minutes after I begin watching, the reporter says that they have jus been told that now Michael Jackson is in a coma. Im talkin wit wifey and she sayin she already knows that hes dead. But for me, i couldnt believe it. I didnt want to believe it. Then a half hour later, they say he is dead. This report was unconfirmed for about ten-thirty minutes. Then they say they have just received word from the coroner that Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, The Moonwalker, is DEAD. I literally had no other thoughts running through my head except for "Wow". The feeling was so surreal. He was only 50 years old. I sat for a while just thinking bout how life can be taken from any one of us at any moment. Many people don't get warnings. One second he was dancin around, the next he was in the back of an ambulance trying to be revived. Throughout all the years that the Michael Jackson circus has been around, all 30+ of them, the musician, the talent, the dancing ability, the ability to create chaos everywhere he went, never left him. Even with all the contraversy surrounding his personal life. The man was still a man. People like to pass judgment on others. It makes them feel better about themselves. This is true for all people, even me at times. I feel that it is not our place to judge another human being. The truth of the matter is that none of us know what Michael really did or did not do. If he did do something to anyone, then he is paying for his mistakes now. But if he didnt, then God has another angel in heaven. We live in a country whose justice motto is "innocent until proven guilty". For this man who was found not guilty twice, people dont give him that benefit. People say "well if they took him to court over it then it must be true." Nobody but those boys and Michael know what happened. So unless there is valid proof and evidence that he did anything wrong, I will continue to respect the man. I have respect for the care that he showed so many people around the world, for his continued support of AIDS research and other medical researches. For the love he showed his fans by continuing to get better and better in the music world. For the versatility he showed throughout his career. For the most amazing performaces that one man can ever do For the singing, the dancing, the magic, and the excitement. Wherever Michael went, there was always a crowd. He was and forever will be the greatest. The only King of Pop. He will be greatly missed.

RIP Michael Jackson
1958-2009

Dream

I close my eyes and drift away
To a place were I cant help but want to stay
In your arms I find myself
You hold me up like a book on a shelf
In your touch I am in ecstasy
Being together is our destiny
Your beautiful eyes stare into mine
Lost in this dream without a sense of time
Your life breathing kiss
When I wake I will miss
Your smooth touch and skin
This dream must be a sin
This love is so strong
It all must be wrong
I never want to wake
This dream I never want to break
Girl, you own my heart
In my dreams we will never part.
I awake alone and angry
Of this dream I will have no memory
Until tomorrow night
When we meet again and I dream your beautiful sight
Until tomorrow's dream
Filled with whipped cream??

People

People are funny mayne.

Some people are cool peoples. You know, the kind that you can jus chill around. Let your hair down, relax, and be really you around. Aint no worries bout them judgin you, them misinterpreting what you say, or them trippin off things not worth it. There are people who you gotta watch yourself around. People who are coo tou your face and then will turn around and talk shit behind your back. Tell everything you ever said and then some. There are those people who jus cant do shit right. They fuck up everything in life, from relationships to simple life problems. There are those people who cant seem to stay in line. They jump around from doing one ting to wanting to do another and then something different, causing problems for everybody else. There are those people who are always angry. They dont know how to deal with tings and are constantly feeling threatened. They think everyone is discussing them or looking at them a certain way. They cease to realize that shit happens and others have a lot more to worry about than them.

Then there are people like me. There are the quiet ones. The ones you dont think are there until they say something super profound, or in some cases, something really stupid. The ones that are always thinking, but at the same time not complicating things. My view on life is simple. Shit happens and we move on. There is no need to sit and cry about things for a week at a time. Granted, there are things that do require this reflection, limited to deaths, injuries, and things of that nature. Anything else is not as big a deal as we people make it. In my young years, ive realized that relationships dont always work. And when they dont, the only thing to do is move on to somethin bigger and better. And this means bigger and better in our own opinions, not what other people say. This is another issue i see no sense in worrying about. People say what they wanna say. If things are said about me then they are said. If it is negative, i may think about it for a second and then im over it. Either it is true and imma change or its completely untrue and i could care less what they say. 9 times out of 10 it is the latter. I am me. I been me. Imma always be me. I love me and nobody can change that.

I love people. I love you as long as you are really you. Even if i hate you, i really love that you are you. I feel all the people who have come into my life, whether it be a good experience or a terrible one, were brought into my life for a reason. I have learned something from that experience, little or big. The more people one interacts with, the more that person finds out about themselves. I try to never say I hate people, because hate is a strong word. I cannot remember one person whom i truly hated. If you know me, i want you to know that you have made an impact in my life. If you dont know me, then im sure you have made an impact in someone elses life. Keep making these impacts for it helps us all grow as people.

PS...
Love people. They are great.
WE are GREAT.
YOU are GREAT.

You

Eyes as beautiful as a sunrise
Brown and beautiful to match your skin
Your smile like the sun that brightens up all of my days
Contagious as the plague, spreading to all people
A voice like the most beautiful song i've ever heard
I can't help but want more
Legs like two beautiful towers
Leading to a nice round backside
Up to your stomach like a model
Your body as perfect as God could have made
Your hair so sexy, I can't help but want to play with it
You are the angle God has sent to me
One too good to touch,
But that is all i can want
To feel your body on mine
To feel your lips on mine
To feel your hands grasp mine
To feel ourselves become one.
With you I am happy
With you I am whole
You are all I want.
You are all I need.